SELF DOUBT

 

SELF DOUBT

 

Sober this heart, quiet thinking,

Watches floating thoughts in mind,

Where is its source, where is it moving,

Endless surprises soul thirsty often,

Wants innumerable goods to please,

Pleasure evaporates, vaporizes instantly,

Search again mind fantasy thought to create,

Sit still, unmoved, looking vacantly, a lot,

Forgets where am I? why is sitting here,

Dream castles already build, I travel.

Visible to me beautiful house in front,

Colored glasses, windows closed,

Knocks the front door rings loudly,

Push a bit, found the door open sliding,

Astonished at the carpet sofa furniture,

No one is seen in the room empty, decorated,

Wooden frames wall mounted paintings,

As if images living, looking at me,

Enters long corridors with hundreds of rooms,

Windows with frosted glass in front,

Speechless found someone behind standing,

A person of my height faintly seen,

Disappearing, then the visible body,

Sometimes obscure face or palms, fingers,

Misty eyes, translucent nose touching glass,

Disappear suddenly curious my heart,

Who is living in this room enters quickly,

No one is there, the room vacant,

Look through the frosted glass image same,

Inside myself but the image from the balcony,

Run out of the room alarmed in a sock,

Empty is the long corridor hunting a time,

The big house, no one could be found, returned,

Melted the daydream, lingered the sight,

Who was he behind the frosted glass,

It was making fun of me, hide and seek,

Opened my heart walked and walked,

Tired limbs thoughtless rest under a tree,

Suddenly found life unsure of myself,

Unconvinced in every aspect of duty,

Hunting fear lurks behind obscurity,

Terrorizing all the while mind inkling ideas,

Failure sure to fail after effort, hard work,

I questioned, directed to me, bluntly scornful,

How come? deduced the outcome, just started,

Predicting the result as failure idiocy,

Where has gone my courage and conviction,

Love my dear girlfriend, fear losing caution?

Before approaching her feeling unreal,

She is lost for me, rejected my hand,

Trembles my nerves losing the adorn,

She is very much mine uniting with me,

So assuring her voice, she talks of  the future,

We are to build a sweet home but less luster,

Our study, career, job, notoriety mind,

Playing with me, treacherous tactics,

Confirmed by now this one was playing,

Blurred image of mine, mind projected,

Found convenient a frosted glass,

Easy to vanish and appear weird,

The solitude under a tree amidst nature,

Aroused conscience hinted at self-doubt,

Exposed fled that day I could recognize,

From miles away approaching my red eyes,

No more your slave run from my heart,

Confide friends from that day become smart.

 

Pen: Bijayananda Mishra

Title of Poem: Self Doubt

Themes: The mind lacks focus, unsure

Date: 12th January 2023, Cuttack

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DIASPORA

 

DIASPORA

 

The most ancient civilization persists,

Withstood the vagaries of time routed,

Stands till modern times look at twenty-first,

The century eagerly awaited stays supreme,

The triangle base of the Himalayas widest,

From the Hindukush to Rangoon expanse,

Touched the Indian ocean at Kanyakumari,

The peninsula of billion plus people plural,

Hosts countless cultures, tribes, ethnics,

Color the hundreds of languages, cultures,

The people believe in God's path numerous,

Citadel of interfaith tolerance coexistence,

Thousands of Masjids, Churches, temples,

Equal the monasteries education hubs,

All are growing majestic democracy help,

Freedom, fundamental right liberty won,

True equality for the vast population stark real,

Exercises franchise election mindboggling,

From destitute, laborer, and peasants to corporate,

From female, male, young or old alike,

Their index finger decides the ruler, mighty,

The opposite happens, massive landslides,

A tea seller child on a train gets victorious,

A newspaper boy minority is the president,

A tribal woman replaces his position,

Democracy, significant exercise, marvel,

The smooth transition of power  progress,

Freedom to women, free education focus,

Senior citizens get support health onus,

Youth educated skilled migrate worldwide,

Ages ago traveled across the ocean as laborers,

Cane fields, granaries, industry demand,

Generations settled accepted nationalities,

The language, culture, food, dress styles,

Little eroded, still visible, the rituals,

Practices the same faith builds temples, Gurdwara,

Follows customs of forefathers practices,

Thousand miles away from ancestor's land,

Still, love treats the motherland feel nostalgic,

Remind centuries ago, traveled on ship,

Established built homeland children grew,

Flowing back home of forefathers, experience,

An ocean of life complex yet splendor pull,

Intoxicate festivals celebrate ancient land,

Smeared with colors spray color powder,

The dance song musical, drum rhythm,

Folk dancers dress in costumes, colorful,

The stepping ecstatic entices the heart to sing,

To dance in synch smiling soul is lost,

Tearful feels forefathers were like this,

Happy, prosperous, wise, knowledgeable,

Indomitable spirit, benevolent, kind, loving,

Hospitable, never been aggressor, gentle,

Knew, still recognize peace, care, compassion,

Love earth, nature, and the people of the world,

Brotherhood saves internal strife to amity,

Hundreds of islands in the ocean, countries,

Migration continues unabated, skilled,

Skilled people, now the spine of adopted land,

Engineers, doctors, scientists, builders,

Hardworking unscrupulous people,

Hiring respect, honor, rewards through work,

A few writers perform in art, culture,

World-class Diaspora linked to the past,

Travels very often visit length and breadth,

Experience millennia-old rich civilizations,

That extends a Diaspora over the globe.

Just one returned homeland freed from slavery,

In the third quarter of a century, indebted billions.

 

Pen: Bijayananda Mishra

Title of Poem: Diaspora

Themes: Overseas Indians Day

Date: 10th January 2023, Cuttack

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MAGNETIC

 MAGNETIC

 

Who calls every night wakes up alerted,

Listens to the flue playing a tune, unique,

Entangles heart overwhelm but invisible,

Floating in the air pervading nature sweet,

Looked outside through the windows cold night,

Freezing night full moon dark clouds floating,

The surreal panorama instrumental dreamy,

House near the river bends near tranquil,

Silence night is fragrant melodious distinct,

Incessant the rhythm flute intoxicates me,

Inviting in doubt reaching me seducing,

Every fiber tissue blood vibrates attuned,

Why am I crying, flowing freezing tears,

Glistening with moonlight, silvery, mystic,

The invitation, a mystery, a place known,

Ignorant me, who plays the flute is extraordinary,

Attenuate the silence of night unparallel,

Stood for hours in the dead of night,

Listens to the melody magnetic flowing,

The cold winds of January are mind-blowing,

Hurting every bone through the window,

Closed it, slept under a thick blanket, shivers,

Gradual the warmth crept dreams,

Saw a handsome youth playing the flute,

Encompassing the green forests floral scene,

Creating a specter of heavenly peace,

The cows crowd around the young man,

Visible the hypnotic melody quieting all,

The birds throng the branches still,

The river in waves gentles as if playing,

A gentle breeze, grassy fields, river bank,

Minutely witnessing the flute touching all,

The tranquility of unearthly mingle rhythm,

The youth is like a pied piper controlling all,

Bewitched, bewildered, baffled, the surround,

Everything immobile attuned enjoying,

Captive to the tune flute plays slowly,

Unmoved neither day nor night in a haze,

The witness is my soul to the spectral haze,

Slept that night at dawn and jerked awake,

Distinctly remember the dream unforgettable,

Clear to me the music of flute speechless,

It continues playing when alert or in dreams,

Who plays this note overwhelms wordless,

Crossed the river near the village search,

Weeks and months passed I roamed every village,

Nobody could answer me on such a youth,

Sits among cow herd on a rock plats flute,

Failed in my attempt left the efforts,

It struck all of a sudden that I encountered,

Met this youth when a child decades ago,

Playing his flute, herding a hundred cows,

The bells of cows ringing beautifully,

All of the cows follow the youth to the field,

Stood electric moments first heard a melody,

Forgotten the scenes, dustbowl golden,

The setting sun orange red hued sky,

Failed as a child, and where I am,

Is it me dreaming smiled so real,

Behind the dusty haze, disappeared by now,

Forgotten the tune, its infectious melody,

Grew up years saw seasons distracted,

Youthful female fantasy stole my heart,

Settled had a family life, fatherly experience,

Clouded childhood serenity, innocence,

An age arrived past twilight years sensed,

It is time to connect life in a cycle of secrecy mist,

Someone playing the flute revived memory,

Dawn to dusk, midnight, if my life the flute,

Playing my tune that I can listen to,

Pervading the ether  beyond the window,

Soul only felt it was that magnetic.

 

Pen: Bijayananda Mishra

Title of Poem: Magnetic

Themes: If life was not the flute

Date: 8th January 2023, Cuttack

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WHITE LIFE

 

WHITE LIFE

 

 

Write when life sinks uplifted quietly,

Unforgettable unbelievable is realistic,

Human life, mysterious, entwines events,

When socked to see life shattered yet not,

Sprouts green leaves couple, a stem roots,

Decayed the dead trunk soils absorbed,

The stem shapes into giant tree foliage,

Unspoken words just indicated eternity,

How many houses, reduced to dust, forgotten,

Eyes watch everything, sighs build a new one,

It crops up at different times, places, destiny,

The last page of the story, speechless, ends,

The girl loved by her neighbor, uncle,

Grew before him, her parents acknowledge,

Uncle's house, her home aunty adores,

The pretty girl grew to beautiful young,

Completed post-graduate degree good,

The family celebrated her marriage in a pump,

The bridegroom, neighbor's son, friends,

Uncle could know her husband, decent was rich,

Happy life continued for a few years, sweet,

In a childless couple, sadness was invisible,

Uncle's son visits the girl occasionally,

Relations after her marriage kept cordial,

Dawn wrecks life and plays havoc sadly,

Unseen master plays climax to tragedies,

Uncle from the newspaper came to know,

The husband of the girl met an accident,

Expired that night at the hospital,

Talked to his son being uncle wanted to meet,

Father and son both visited her,

Heartbroken, a skeletal shape sunken,

Disarrayed long black hairs knee length,

Ornaments, gold jewelry taken out,

Her life as if standstill, ghostly future,

She was still young, wearing a vacant look,

Hugged uncle cried intolerable a sight,

Uncle's son equally in tears, death of a friend,

They were close friends from childhood,

Uncle knows the man, simple, qualified,

Untimely death accidents are frequent,

But picture unseen are ruined lives, homes,

Who note these incidents remember, sad,

For a moment, see humans stunned, forgotten,

Uncle didn't forget to tell her, are you coming home,

She confirmed to return to her parent's place,

There I chose to write this tragic poem,

How come; it changed so suddenly, overwhelmed,

Her uncle decided to conduct a remarriage,

Accepted the girl to be the bride for his son,

Before that is confirmed by him,

Arranging the marriage ceremony for his son,

Just the neighbor, the girl's parents disbelieved,

First wordless, then speechless, in a nod,

The show of love beyond answers sealed,

The girl heard the news awestruck,

Ran to her uncle's house  and met him,

Why, how come, uncle, you proposed,

Her white sari, cut-off long hair, no jewelry,

Bare feet, without bangles, less vermilion,

A marble statue I beholding white life,

erased the color of life, fragrance, rosy,

No tears, sorrows, resentment stinking,

Life just turned like stone white,

Felt wet tears in my eyes and thanked Lord,

What a master to make break then make,

Mountain to pebble, pebble to palace,

The white life white cotton sari grace!

 

Pen: Bijayananda Mishra

Title of Poem: White Life

Theme: Remarriage of widowed life

Date: 7th January 2023

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SECRECY

 

SECRECY

 

Anonymous love to exist in this world,

Pseudo, the address identity helped enables,

Not a criminal life from the underworld,

Famous is in his city, wealthy, wife, children,

Respected in society grew prosperous well,

Then have true name identity in an order established,

Head of the family, he dominates if questioned,

The family knows his sensitivity, honor quietly,

Children showered with his love, care, respect,

His wife, closer to his heart, knows to an extent,

Personal identity immense pain she marked,

The truth behind a sad past she never dare to,

Seen his loneliness, the pale face ashen,

Many a time, those surfaces prefer seclusion,

The bedroom with no picture except his mother,

He used to sit for hours, achieved a composed state,

Only his wife knows his mother is no more,

She passed away when he was young, a laborer,

He never discloses his mother's name, place,

How he grew up, where till arrived in this city,

A closely guarded secret where his place is ignorant,

His name identity, father and mother's names,

All manipulated long ago, not accepted known,

His only friend in this world, I know everything,

Promised prefer to be anonymous a writer here,

Confused watching similar cases, life ruined,

Perished in shame, shattered family so real,

Class, class-based society, gold differentiates,

The color, yellowish metal, emits poison,

Decimates have-not having wealth assets,

Possessions, prime factor, ensure power,

A breeding ground of ego subtly controlling heart,

It is the discrimination, devastating lives,

Life of young enacts love soaked the heart,

The elixir of the human heart far beyond a border,

No color, caste, or class, walled people,

Loves a man with woman eons continues,

Gets pregnant, the female deserves recognition,

Man and wife must be before the wedlock,

A child before sacred marriage, sanctity null,

Wall forcefully separates both a baby in roll,

Die? should it die? What for humans condemn?

Life invited only your culprit can't kill,

It is the Lord's grace sanctified union of heart n body,

No remorse, invite the soul to this world boldly,

My friend's mother, the courageous lady, didn't kill,

Gave birth to her child, her husband rich failed to marry,

This story of poor, ignominy inborn, hatred, unspoken,

Scorn their poverty condemn pregnancy,
Separated lived his mother, her neighbor sheltered,

He knew the sad events enrolled the child,

Declared as the father of the child, his mother's name,

The child of the past living today as an aristocrat,

His mother quit the world was young,

His heart protects the secrecy, loves his mother,

She saved her son and allowed him to grow long,

His secrecy never pitters out gratuitous a song. 

 

Pen: Bijayananda Mishra

Title of the Poem: Secrecy ( Fiction)

Themes: When a father denies a baby

Date: 6th January 2023, Cuttack

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LOOKOUT

 

LOOKOUT

 

Sings overwhelmed life ashore,

Knew as an orphan, adopted long ago,

Grew in flourished, educated society,

Refined culture English my tongue,

Completing graduation in literature,

Write often my feelings, perceptions,

Growing provided maturity surprised me,

So much love, adopted mother caring,

Never could know necessity she knows,

Keeps precisely in order surprises me,

My sickness remembers her infinite care,

Mom and I alone in the big world,

She is all in my life, her only son link,

Our lives intermingled close contented,

Tell, she prepares the dishes I liked well,

Observe minutely happiness swells,

Her pleasure my study health, happiness,

Think, how come, Lord was graceful for me,

Decades ago visited the ancient land,

She, in her visit to an orphanage, chose me,

I grew in her lap from just a year old,

Life, I confess, fortunate, she confided,

Thankful to her, know my origin, land,

Unknown to me, the people, the panorama,

My friend and teachers do not know this,

The friendly gestures, love, and bond,

Realize me the country is supreme,

Wonderful people, families, children,

The family somehow choked me once,

An orphan child who leaves her son, reason,

What happened died on accident a family,

Left only a bay living kept orphanage,

Divorced a couple, separated, of course,

Dropped the child in a shelter home,

Perused their future forgotten baby,

Sheltered for nine months in the womb,

How is it possible a mother allows,

Watch her baby is separated, sleeps,

It is the unwanted child of an unmarried girl,

Or forced her to be pregnant, left,

Left her son on a dustbin, railway platform,

Or pavement of a road at night chosen,

Sat near the harbor on a bench,

I felt tears running warm in a stream,

Why? why does human civility humanity dies,

Leaves a newborn baby know very well,

Speechless, entangled my mind to one,

Where is my mother, given birth to me,

Where is she? Why did she leave me? a fate,

Where must be she is living, how is she,

It choked me and involuntarily uttered, Ma,

Alone on the big harbor road mid-day,

Crying bitterly, surprised, why, I am crying,

So much love, mom is everything to me,

I am her life, understand she trusts me,

Returned home and told her the lookout,

She hugged me, kissed me, confessed,

Baby, I am your mother but a woman,

Understands your curiosity, pain,

Go and search to find your mother,

Come back soon, home after meeting her,

vast is the country, a billion people,

Lookout for my Ma, know the orphanage.

 

Pen: Bijayananda Mishra

Title of Poem: Lookout (Fiction)

Theme: Orphan search mother

Date: 5th January 2023, Cuttack

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