SUGARDOLL

 

SUGARDOLL

 

 

Nostalgic today memories flood,

Long-walk of life for seven decades,

My life that sprouted obscure,

After India became independent,

Sri Ganesh Chaturthi is celebrated,

Four years after independence,

First birthday thousand gathered,

Keonjhar, Anandpur in childhood,

The first school I visited till few years,

My parents shifted to Puri I grew up,

Completed High School College,

Dream to become an engineer, joined,

Graduated successful through a loan,

Engineering life hard work night shift,

Remember a thermal power plant,

Operating four generators at night,

With a dozen engineers on panels,

Silent monsters running with smoke,

Lighting my state in the nighttime,

At day time shift rotates serially,

Checking instrumentation watchful,

Home at Cuttack a hundred miles away,

Wife serving at a college as a lecturer,

Her father was the judge in the high court,

Transferred to capital, at the control room,

Load dispatch a job, attend in shift,

Admitted at IIT, Kharagpur for M Tech,

Completed, post graduate in computer,

Joined at a computer center that served the state,

Election computerized processing,

It was my project for a few sessions,

Successful the projects, I was happy,

Land records computerized for the district,

Successful in a project quite innovative,

State-wide area network digital link,

The project I started with selecting a firm,

It was successful with the design,

Great satisfaction in life is a milestone,

I joined a cooperative bank for the state,

Took challenging project for a job,

Computerizing banking for all branches,

Linking with district banks totally,

The data center, network mammoth job,

I finished my job a firm got tender,

Today it is working successfully,

Hanged my boot, I got retired from life,

Almost a decade retired life at home,

Life was never smooth met accidents,

Fell unconscious at home, injured head,

Survived from near-death fortunate,

At first, there was memory loss,

Lost coordination, troubled family,

Recovery gradual four years passed,

Weak frame stable confined to home,

Life at a crossroads, these days I write,

I write each day a poem about my life,

It is a long formative experience, lovely,

Closely watched emotions of human life,

Correlate my days of struggle, success,

Had love, care, attention of family,

Writes travesty from abject poverty,

From childhood to establishment later,

 My life was found to be a Sugardoll.

 

@ Bijayananda Mishra

NADIR

 

NADIR

 

When I got conscious about my heart,

Treasure trove dark chamber mine,

Never could know, exactly a moment,

It came, stayed for the rest of my life,

The path of life eloquent poem,

I drink the elixir of love to satiate my heart,

Rests for night darkness world disappear,

Ecstatic glow worms I visualize,

Watch astonishingly dream weaver,

Spider nest my desires etch nets radial,

Crisscrosses spider net, heart trapped,

Mind mushrooming lust around me,

Lusts till twilight years unfathomed,

Could not measure the depth of nadir,

It was nightlife span wide pitch dark,

Sweetest honey I was sucking,

Forgot the bright sunshine inviting,

Forgot noisy world attractive enticed,

Forgot wisdom nature is an eternal teacher,

Waiting for freshness, wind, water, skies,

Evaded pleas willfully, drunk heart,

Nadir, I discovered at youth paradise,

Touch of soft skin, thrills spread,

Aroma, body smells fragrant, artificial,

Visible for me, heart rosy with petals,

Wine, tasty cuisine, amorous plays,

Nadir canopied my life youth distant,

In late adulthood, I felt pain immensely,

Writhes fragile limbs, heart cries,

Outcry stunned me, was my heart,

The place was heaven for me, so long,

Heaven is the place of permanent joy,

How come; tortured-heart unwinds,

Spider net fades, a spider is dying,

The canopy of lust covered, life melting,

Acute pains, sick limbs, guess an end,

Now, only now, my sight at the past,

I listen to a whisper deep within,

O soul, you are escaping from nadir,

Dark dungeon that captures you,

Your chains are breaking automatic,

Soul metamorphoses into a butterfly,

The freedom will taste unlike desires,

Rose is a human life with petals,

Inner rows of petals create nadir,

Soul lives like a captive in the body,

Next rows of petals exhibit wisdom,

Elevated soul drinks, not honey, nectar,

Aware of the nadir that captures life,

Nadir, only human frame portrays,

Beauty skin deep magnetic attract,

Iron speck butterfly clings thronging,

Nadir O’ human, your frame is a prism,

You have seen a color spectrum only,

Realize, adhere to the second row of petals,

The freedom you have, O soul, move up,

The next row of petals gives happiness,

Unreal in this world, everything dies,

Surreal is happiness, eternal,

Your beautiful colored wings fade,

Still, you like time in nadir desperate,

Newborn, rose, you got a butterfly trapped.

 

@ Bijayananda Mishra

 

 

 

   

PRETENSE

 

PRETENSE

 

Laughing silently today in solitude,

Alone standing on the sea beach,

Never betrays blue sea or sky above,

No betrayal, I found circling birds,

Floating clouds silently truly visible,

Beautiful, orange color, aura indicates,

Sun rising in the east truth glorious,

Inconspicuous a new dawn breaking,

Eons, unfailingly repeating in time,

Reclined on sand beach, bathe in sunlight,

Dreaming nature canvas changing,

Green hills, forest, ravine, fertile soil,

The animal kingdom, lakes, birds nesting,

Noisy, I once found life overjoyed,

The precious mirth spring visible,

Aroma acutely intoxicates heart,

Wildflowers in blossoms, creepers,

Intertwine tall trees, painting colorful,

Ah… Rewind my thoughts, sea breeze,

Salty wet limbs experience ethereal,

Exist eternal truth never betrays,

Sustains universe human life co-exist,

By nature heart is pure transcendental,

The face of a child, innocent and pure,

Smile tiny soul exhibits as if divine,

Simple, believing spirit invites happily,

Fertile mind, mine, went deeper,

Churning memories of complex life,

Laughed again, winking, admitted,

Admitted to my soul, not a child,

Learned, learned man book worm,

Learned about brutal war annihilations,

Read about mass graves, gun booming,

Kills humans silently from behind,

Steal other's gold, luxury proudly,

Built castles world heritage reputed,

No more monarchs, sultans, Mughal,

Silently merges with soil or in a grave,

The horse, elephants, swords, spears,

Vanished, new world free, civilized,

Astonished, I was tearful, a life missed,

Spoiled in looting pleasure, gold,

Deceived how many listless in life,

From young days to twilight lied,

Lied to own children, better half,

Lied to close friends, teachers,

Lied to own parents simple believing,

Little felt guilty, sought my comfort,

Sheepishly slipped out of duty,

Uncanny con, I forgot to care, service,

The love I know very well, my temptations,

Fulfilled to my capacity, now failing,

Caught by family, parents, friends,

Silently observing me caring, loving,

Never embarrassing praying for me,

Wishing my early recovery, sick,

My children wife serving watchful,

I feared their presence, feared my world,

Fled from my world now at a beach,

Whitened black hairs, receding,

Sobbing mind, heart rebukes harshly,

Why you are a crying ghost, lurks lust,

No way limbs can satiate you fool,

Realize at least your pretense,

Blunder surrender to your soul,

An immortal bird in a dungeon will be freed,

Your pretense evaporated.

 

@ Bijayananda Mishra

Good Luck

 GOOD LUCK

 

Watching motion pictures of a lifetime,

Sweet and sour events oscillate,

From crest to trough rises again,

Cycle motion picture projects distinct,

Time cycle at crest life in the climax,

Tragedy at trough life is shaken,

Pendulum old still oscillates in a bedroom,

Sat in the darkness alone, I was listening,

Mind lost in watching live events,

Slow motion of picture cinematic,

Walking through memory lane, dark,

After marriage few years passed,

Man and wife expecting arrival,

Arrival, for our conjugal life, is a grace,

Once we both dream of a child,

The daughter in our laps grew so fast,

Went for school passed with flying color,

Baby sat on study table till late night,

I was her father, teacher, friend,

Her secret aspiration to be an engineer,

Father and daughter, we gossip about life,

Life of an engineer hard work,

Forgets engineer family life comfort,

Dawn to dusk overnight labor,

Achiever in large projects construction,

Myriad shape drawing on paper,

From paper to scales take to shape reality,

A marvel before engineer’s mind skill,

Accomplishment at fag end of life,

Recognized dear a dedicated spirit,

Respected, famous, a name praised,

Life successful family children adore,

She was sleeping on my bosom,

I was dreaming one day to come,

The daughter will be an engineering student,

The wife was calling, dinner was ready,

That day, her campus life oscillated,

She was sick, recovering, weak at home,

With our infinite care, she gets cured,

Husband wife wait eagerly for her arrival,

Each semester break vacation,

The loving care watchful for her health,

Met her minute requests, papa listens to,

It was her final year visiting her hostel,

Her friends crowded circled me,

Informed she will be the best graduate,

The best student in their college knew,

Happiness at home knew no boundary,

News of her result in engineering,

We, a couple, shed happy tears, welcomed,

A day came in our life, my darling sad,

She was worried and crying learning the news,

She was going abroad for the future,

Higher education, a career overseas,

I was sad, sure to miss her, my heart,

A moment she was checking out,

At the airport, she kissed me hello dad,

I couldn’t look into her eyes, evading,

Only hugged tightly said silently,

Good luck, baby, at alien land, I bless.

 

@ Bijayananda Mishra

 

FOOTSTEP

 

FOOTSTEP

 

Human life is very-short for learning,

Ocean of knowledge depth unknown,

Strewn at the beach wisdom jewel,

Picking lifelong beach still expands,

Footstep of wise humanity studies,

Unique manifestation in a millennium,

Peruse human footsteps call divine,

Peruse human lifetime still unfinished,

Names illustrious life as prophet monk,

Service to humanity message sacred,

Follow human footstep salvage in a birth,

Liberation to sure, serve suffering soul,

A critical test of life sprouts on pavement,

No food, roof over the head, clothes,

Disease visits, never keep for long,

Leave a weak body, leaves hungry,

Crippled lingers thousand soul sleep,

Sleeping on the footpath till midnight,

Wake up hungry body walking alone,

A stick, footsteps resound lonely road,

Barks dog running behind angrily,

Plight life faces, even dog senses,

Share leftover bread, paper plates,

Picks a dark spirit from a garbage drum,

Sleep on pavement dog sleeps near,

At dawn dog wakes up, not a life,

Footstep from road ended got still,

Surprised heart essence of birth,

Purpose of unseen Lord mysterious,

The ocean never a life could reach in life,

Ignorance, darkness covered a lifetime,

Where is God, doubt ever dying prayed?

Ever all merciful ocean of compassion,

Melted for limitless misery, His heart,

Puzzled, I thought, if God has a Heart,

Listen to destitute in pain, sick, hungry,

Sat quietly with tear probing in me,

The footstep of the prophet, clearly seen,

Buddha walked out of his kingdom,

Left wife, his child in the night,

Disturbed visualized death of old,

Observed closely, sick suffering,

Probed life for a lifetime, sought creator,

Found answer for life on earth,

Discovered ocean of knowledge,

Wrote footstep to be followed by,

Renounce dear soul desires of limbs,

Soul deathless, a traveler with a frame,

Built on elements of fire, water, soil, air,

Death is certain once born,

The body perishes, but sufferance is a game,

Own deeds reaping results to take birth,

Enjoy good deeds, pain for sins,

Lord exists, seen by the seer, unaware,

Unaware of the footstep of each human,

Each footstep causes action footprinted,

Footprint erases waves of time,

Found my answer, unseen Lord, I felt,

Whispers in silence, I was listening,

He was my conscience, showed footstep.

Life is a play, less get disturbed.

A footstep changes your life, be watchful.

 

@ Bijayananda Mishra